What is Non-verbal communication?

Communication as a behavior came around because of the cooperative nature of humans; we live in communities and in order for us to work together and divide roles, we need to communicate. We have since gotten so good at it that we can now understand feelings and intentions without others having to spell them out for us. We have excelled to a level where we can tell the moods of animals even. Indeed the ability to understand non-verbal cues from both each other and other animals has proven beneficial for the survival of our forefathers. In this detached digital age, I feel we need to make a special effort to stay in touch with our ability to understand and react to nonverbal cues.

The knowledge of Non-Verbal Communication has been around for a while now. However, for those who do not learn about it as part of their course curricula or jobs, you can miss out on something that is both wonderful and beneficial to interpersonal communication. We wouldn’t want you to be in the dark, now, would we? Even for those who know about NVC, I think you may find this post interesting, purely because it is the product of the review of many books, academic, scientific, and popular (watch this space, my next post would have a list of all the cool literature out there on NVC) and the definitions contained in them.

Let’s get to it then. Whoever used the term ‘Non-Verbal Communication’ did so very well, so much so that if we actually break it down, we may find ourselves getting somewhere. Thus NVC, can be categorized as all those forms of communication that do not take into regard the actual content (non-verbal, remember?) of what is spoken. I am going to mention this again later, because it is important to mention twice, the actual quality of how something is said (such is pitch, timbre and depth of voice) is regarded as an element of Non-Verbal Communication, but what is said is not. That being said, it is very natural for all of us to make assessments based on a combination of the two (what is being said, and how it is being represented through body movement and intonation), and is required as well.

Just so that you don’t bite yourself amidst all this new information, here’s a list of some major categories of human (and believe it or not: animal) communication:

1.       Voice: The intonation along with the specific qualities of the voice can tell us many things. Different voices, pauses and emphasis may render different meanings to the same sentence! There are many examples of this, and I am sure you have come across it. So I;m going to give you a simple example: Imagine your friend saying “hi” to you, in a loud and energetic manner, after that imagine the same friend whispering “hi” to you in a voice that sounds drained. It has two very different effects on how you react.

2.       Posture: Posture and movement play a very large part in understanding the intricacies of NVC. Some aspects of posture that I find interesting are balance, body direction, which way the body leans, and torso vs feet position! These can tell us a lot about intentions, mood and general feeling of those around us, if understood well. 

3.       Gestures: Gestures are those movements that are created specifically for the purpose of communication. Fun example: The “Okay” sign, where one makes a circle with the thumb and index fingers whilst extending all other fingers. Gestures would include facial expressions of emotion.

4.       Space: How two individuals use space between them can tell us a lot about the nature of communication. Space may act either as a hindrance or as an intentionally created barrier, depending what the nature of the interaction and relationship between the participants is.

Now, the above is by no means an exhaustive list of all the elements of non-verbal communication. There are many culturally created norms with regard to space, gestures, rules of intimacy, etc. For example, different cultures define personal space very differently, or in some cultures it is considered “Egalitarian” to shake hands with women, whereas in other cultures the same behavior is a BIG No-no! 

There are also these little things called Microexpressions, which are my favorite, just because of how awe-inspiring they are (we can talk about these later!). There are also those elements of communication that people don’t want to consciously convey to us, but do so anyway; this is called leakage.

So, you see, there is a lot to share! There are also aspects of communication that astute observers and listeners who know NVC can pick up on that in general those that don’t are unable to.  This comes with practice and experience. Non-Verbal Communication is an age old method of organisms to interact, and it never lies.

I make it a point to consider context whenever I decide to pick up on what anybody is trying to tell me. This is very important. You may think that someone is being defensive or lying because they are avoiding eye contact, and in reality they may just be cold or distracted. I understand context, and at every step of the way I always make room for the possibility that I may be wrong. I must admit, there are some times when I am wrong as well. It is the thought that counts: An Attempt at Empathy!